Like it or not, many of us will likely be spending more time at home with our kids as a result of Coronavirus. And of course, there are always going to be crappy weather-home days, no money-home days, no plans-home days and just because-home days.
This post is not intended to add to the noise and confusion around whether or not to self-isolate, rather to look at ways to stay sane, calm, happy and connected at home together at a time of heightened anxiety.
Major caveat to this post: we are definitely not calm and happy all the time at home! Our youngest often wakes up unsettled from a bad dream or with a bit of a grump on. Actually, so do I.
The girls bicker many times during the course of a day. I usually lose my rag at some point/s and there may well be a silent scream into the fridge at some point. What, just me?
Amidst all this, however, there are definite moments of calm, joy, playfulness and incredibly loving connection. These are some simple ways I try to cultivate and build on them:
1. Have a clear structure to the day
Just like a great story or film, our home days tend to work better when structured with a clearly delineated beginning, middle and end.
This can be incredibly simple and happens quite naturally anyway, but I like to notice and name the natural rhythms of the day eg. beginning = breakfast and board games, middle = making and eating lunch together followed by something crafty/Lego-based, end = supper, maybe a favourite TV programme, bathtime and stories.
Predictable routines and rhythms create comfort for all of us.
2. Create a focal point for each child’s day
Ideally, we’re also looking for a cornerstone moment to pivot the day around, as I think everybody needs a little something to look forward to every day.
I’ll try and offer each child a choice, and make sure it’s an achievable thing that we definitely have covered with supplies.
This could be along the lines of ‘would you rather have a film this afternoon, or do a favourite craft?’ ‘Do you want to build a den later, or bake a pie?’ They aren’t necessarily super exciting activities, but they’re realistic and they’re things they enjoy.
Adults also need a focal point for the day, but I think we’re able to come up with and implement this for ourselves.
3. Carve out ‘time in’ with each child
I’m finding it challenging right now to fill each child’s daily ‘attention needs bucket’ whilst getting everything that needs doing done. Are you?
It can be tricky to balance a day when everybody has different likes and dislikes. In this house, there are some very strong likes and dislikes!
I think we all want to try and avoid days that meander into peak frazzle, with nobody’s needs being met.
In an ideal world, I’d give each child a pre-defined special period of time where I’m fully focussed just on them. In reality, this tends to happen more organically.
Say my eldest and me both wake up earlier than Dad and my younger, we’ll enjoy some special time chatting over a cuppa. Then later, I’ll do a game or craft with Indigo while Sophia has some ‘thinking time’ (she needs that space every day).
We also try (but need to work harder to!) incorporate some Mum/Dad together time into the day as well. I feel it’s important that children know that adults need to make time for each other too!
4. Movement and getting outside
When our bodies get stuck, our minds get stuck and things can spiral quickly downwards.
Yoga is our go-to way to get unstuck, with YouTube’s Adriene our yogi of choice. Yes, there will often be a bit of friction over which video to use, but we’ll generally get there in the end, and feel better for it.
When it comes to getting outdoors – if public places and group activities may be ruled out – a local walk is the obvious call. I don’t know about your kids, but if I declare “We’re going for a walk!”, it’s met with instant shutdown.
An outing with a purpose stands more chance of success.We may throw in a scavenger hunt (all you need is an empty egg box!) or today’s idea – a ‘texture walk’ to gather items for an art rubbing project.
5. Put music on and use scent
For us, having music on can really shift or lift the mood in the house. We’re not on any paid subscriptions at the moment, but Spotify and YouTube playlists are a godsend for continuous music.
BBC Radio 3 and Classic FM encourage gentler mornings here, and David cues up Chet Baker for soothing backdrops when they’re Minecrafting.
We also have an essential oil diffuser on the hearth with sweet orange oil currently on the go. According to Floracopeia, sweet orange oil “carries cheerfulness while simultaneously calms” [sic]. I’ll definitely have me some of that! Other families swear by doTERRA oils to help with worries and bedtimes ( we haven’t tried these yet).
These are all things I strive to work into our days at home together, but honestly I don’t meet them all every day. Then, some days I do all the above and it still all goes to pot! I tend towards low mood and negative thoughts, and have to work hard not to get too discouraged by bad days – we all have them.
Many families are going to be muddling through as best we all can in the coming weeks as activities and meet ups are postponed.
Maybe it will prove a great opportunity for learning patience, tolerance and resourcefulness – so long as we don’t all kill each other first!
Do you practise any of the methods I mentioned in your home? What other ways do you invite in calm, joy and connection on your days indoors?
Curiosity And The Cat 